The Barnes and Noble Review: A Whimsical Q&A Takes Questions

B&NWhat are you?

I’m a whimsical Q&A here to explain everything about me, my witty yet culturally relevant colleagues, and this website.

Why are you doing this in Q&A form?

The “About” section on most websites is generally so pedestrian and lacking in imagination, it’s as if Kevin Costner had mated with Angela Merkel and their love child mutated into exposition. Whereas we, needless to say, evoke a hot and furious Channing Tatum and Olivia Wilde coupling with Sarah Silverman and Elon Musk watching.

You really seem like a low-key, offbeat yet literary-conscious Q&A

Don’t let my quirky tone and references to the gender pay gap deceive you. Every night I douse my Subway Melt in Thunderbird and then, drunk and wretched, I stalk squalid taprooms patronized by pygmy marmosets, hunt them down and eat their livers.

Can I submit to your website?

Sure! Use the form. If you don’t hear back in three weeks, you can safely assume that sea levels have risen much more rapidly than anticipated and that Lower Manhattan is now completely submerged. Either that or everyone here has left to work for another website.

What’s up with the “Life and Stuff” section?

I know, it’s gotten way out of hand. Pantomimes shooting self in the head with a pistol and puffs out cheeks as if hit. It all started with the (sort of) tongue-in-cheek Gangnam Style Sex Guide but then quickly descended into drivel with the Yoga Masochist Tell-All but then it really degenerated when that white lady wrote that dubious story about what happened to her when she was driving her Prius to Whole Foods. You wouldn’t think we could keep the downhill trajectory going, but we have!

Wait, why are you doing that?

I find that if I wink one eye, clap furiously, and induce choking all at the same moment, I can transcend the space-time continuum and explore the outer depths of the 4th dimension.

Now you just seem confused.

And how! What else can anyone be when a long-form investigative piece about the increase in suicide rates among military veterans sits right below an article entitled “6 Sexy Accessories that will Rock Your Twilight Viewing Party”? Continue Reading

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