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The Reject Pile: Guys Watching Princess Movies and Feeling Bad

reject pileGORDON: Sometimes I feel horny and my wife is holding the baby and I go over to kiss her and it’s cool but then I try to French kiss her and she pulls back and looks at me like she hates me. And it’s just like this scene in Aladdin where the Sultan, Jafar and Aladdin are discussing who Jasmine will marry, and Jasmine comes in and hears them and looks so angry. It’s the exact same expression as my wife’s. Like she wants me to die.

DAVE: Has anyone noticed that Prince Charming doesn’t even have a name?

MARK: Which one?

DAVE: I see Prince Charming as this kind of Jack Reacher-like cipher who’s always trying to do the right thing. Snow White is singing in that high-pitched voice…

SIMON: That voice. Like a white-faced capuchin monkey.

MITCH: Or an out-of-tune violin.

GORDON: Or a crying baby.

DAVE: She’s basically singing a song for him to come. But when he shows up, she runs away! If she’d have just stayed at the Wishing Well and talked to him, she would have been fine. But she doesn’t and all this bad shit happens, and it’s because she blows him off.

GORDON: At least she’s not so angry all the time.

SIMON: How many princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? (High-pitched voice) What? And wreck my nails?

(Embittered laughs)

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