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The Forward: Baby Hitler and Other Moral Questions for GOP Candidates

The-Jewish-Daily-Forward-logo-alt-blWhat if Baby Hitler were wearing a hat with bear ears? I’m curious to know what Jeb Bush might do if Baby Hitler were actually wearing one of those fuzzy bear hats. Or if Baby Hitler had just tasted a lemon and were making a funny face. What would Jeb Bush do then? Would he still kill Baby Hitler?

And what if Hitler were a puppy? Would you kill puppy Hitler? Would you be able to go back in time and actually kill an adorable puppy? I don’t mean one of those hairless breeds that make you wonder what the world has come to. I mean a Golden Retriever Hitler puppy. Or a Bassett Hound Hitler. If you were Scott Walker, you should think twice before killing puppies, even if they’re Hitler puppies. That’s all I’m saying.

If Hitler were Bei Bei, the baby Panda getting a veterinary check-up at the National Zoo, surely this would complicate matters. Pandas are an endangered species, so killing baby Panda Bei Be Hitler would be especially problematic. If you were Donald Trump, would you kill Bei Bei Hitler?

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