Latest

The Haven: Why I Won’t Date Patrick Batemen Worshipers Anymore

“Beautiful women who get a fair amount of attention get full of themselves. Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation.”
– Why I won’t date hot women anymore, New York Post

When it came to dating as a 30-something in New York, mergers and acquisitions manager Mark Farber had no problem attracting women who idolized Patrick Batemen.

“I could pretty much have any Patrick Bateman-head I wanted,” said Farber, now 41 with a muscular, steroid-assisted build and slicked back, pomaded hair. “I did meet some Tama Janowitz fans, but when push came to shove I went for the most diehard Batemenievers you could find.”

Farber readily admits that he spent most of his young adulthood courting hard-bodied luxury-obsessed narcissists, but eventually realized that dating the most bloodthirsty selfish young sadists in the city had its drawbacks — he found them distracted, unable to achieve a sensible work-life balance and, as might be expected, murderous as fuck.

“Patrick Batemen devotees tend to be arrogant as well as savage,” he says. “Eventually, I was dreading that moment when I would be invited back to their apartment only to find either a MAGA baseball cap on the Casamilano ottoman or a decomposing head in the Vinotheque wine cabinet.”

According to new research, Farber’s ideas about Batemen babes are correct. A recent study conducted by Bennington College found that Patrick Batemen enthusiasts are more likely to be involved in unstable and failed relationships. In one part of the study, researchers looked at women who have committed more than one fetish murder in the last year and found that they were more likely to live alone. In another, women were asked to assess the Batemen like qualities of 185 men. The men who most resembled either Eric or Donald Junior had higher rates of divorce and widowhood.

Continue Reading

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*