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I’m Pretty Sure That James Comey is Going to Ask Me to Marry Him!

Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that Thursday is going to be the most important day of my life!

I know, I know. You think I’m getting carried away. Again. But hear me out. I’m certain that once you’ve listened to our story, you’ll agree that Thursday will make me the happiest woman on Planet Earth.*

First of all, I admit that this has been a tempestuous relationship. Everyone who knows me remembers how James Comey broke my heart in late October. I was absolutely shattered. He ruined everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. You may recall how I cursed James every day for about three months, and how I fashioned a James Comey voodoo doll from a fairtrade coffee sack and ugly cried while impaling it with the whimsical pins I’d purchased on Etsy. I felt, with justification, that all my misery could be traced back to James Comey. I couldn’t stand the freakishly tall sight of him.

You’re probably wondering, “How could you forgive him after what he did?”
But what you don’t know is that James was going through a very confusing period at that time. He has since explained, during a very emotional conversation, that he was caught between a rock and a hard place. Or, as he puts it, between a “really bad” and a “catastrophic” place. He told me he gets “mildly nauseous” whenever he thinks about what he did. Isn’t that the sweetest?
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