The Hairpin: Support for This Operating System Has Ended

What does this status alert mean for you?

Your system is no longer protected and is vulnerable to malware, spam, viruses, hackers, insults both overt and subtle, and the Black Plague. Your operating system now feels like a four-year-old boy who gets separated from his mother at the supermarket and is found inconsolable in the Salad Dressings and Condiments aisle. Don’t be alarmed if you find your operating system weeping and watching reality television for hours and hours.

Your anti-virus software is no longer supported

The operating system on your PC is like a college graduate who was president of his fraternity and popular with the ladies but now finds his credit card suddenly disassociated from his parents’ account and his childhood bedroom cleared out and belatedly understands that his choice to major in Folklore and Mythology was a grave error in judgment. Your operating system on your PC is about to start drinking heavily.

Your PC is unprotected

I’m trying to impress upon you the concept of absolute vulnerability here, but you don’t seem to be listening, so let me put it to you this way: Imagine that you’re a small, golden tamarin monkey in the middle of the rainforest. Loggers have just felled the trees in which you once made your home and which also provided you cover from your natural predators. Suddenly you hear the “ke-he ke-he” call of a white hawk, the rustle of leaves caused by a roaming leopard and the hiss of an anaconda, all in quick succession. Try to conjure both the image and the state of fear of this tiny, shivering tamarin. That is your PC. Continue Reading.

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