McSweeney’s: Did You Drain My Energy Today? A Quiz

mcswlogo21. Whilst meeting for coffee you:

a) Spontaneously order brunch

b) Ask me repeatedly about my plans to have another child

c) Describe your intention to start a vague program to combat hatred and then ask me to design the website

2. When you notice the dent in your car you:

a) Frantically tell me to call the police and find out how to file a report

b) Suggest that you had parked in a precarious spot because of the pressure you sensed coming from me

c) Turn it into a larger narrative about how nothing in your life is going right

3. After you send an email to your boss in a moment of anger you:

a) Forward it to me with the words ‘What do I do now?’ in the subject line

b) Send me your résumé and request that I circulate it around

c) Insist that the man I just started dating can resolve the whole thing since he and your boss grew up in the same northeastern city

4. After I’ve lined up a babysitter, put on make-up and am pulling out of my parking spot, you send a text saying:

a) That you’ve decided you need to save money so you just want to come over and drink “some of that awesome wine” instead

b) That you’re canceling because you and your boyfriend are in the middle of another big fight

c) That you’re changing the meeting place from a movie theater to an EDM club

5. Whenever you tell me I look tired, you:

a) Suggest I call your Pilates teacher to set up a private class

b) Make observations about my diet and vitamin intake

c) Wonder if my son’s early morning waking habits aren’t part of a greater psychological issue

6. When the man I started dating sends me flowers you:

a) Identify the low-end florist who “did a decent job even though they clearly use the same supplier as a bodega”

b) Recall the uber-bouquet you received from a mortgage loan specialist you dated last year

c) Make a list of common allergens

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