McSweeney’s: Our Meditation Technique Will Help You Get Promoted and Marry Someone Awesome

mcswlogo2Our meditation course is based on the principle of non-judgment. We are the only course to correctly impart this principle. All other meditation courses that claim to teach non-judgment are imitations—inferior hucksterfests for people who don’t know any better. You are more discerning than that.

Our meditation course uses breathing techniques that have their origins in an ancient culture whose spiritual vibrations sent it forward through time and space. But the vibrations have sent it only to our incorporated offices. All other vibrations have been damaged by breaks in the Vedic stream. That has been proven by statistical data.

Our meditation course enables the practitioner to reach the elevated state of non-thinking. The only thought the practitioner retains is that this is the only legitimate course. In every other way, the monkey mind is finally silenced.

Our meditation technique is much more effective than other meditation techniques in lowering blood pressure, raising serotonin levels, and preventing death. You would need to meditate for hundreds of hours just to procure the same amount of health, happiness and immortality for every one minute spent using our exclusive method.

Our meditation technique is way easier than other techniques. You don’t even have stop thinking. You can do it while you’re eating or watching True Detective. It’s crazy accessible.
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