Extra News Feed: I’m an Undecided Voter in a Swing State, and I’m Drunk With Power


I’m an undecided voter in a swing state, and I’m the only person who matters right now. And I have to tell you, I’m feeling very powerful, because everything I’m thinking and feeling matters much more than any dumb liberal or conservative notion you’ve ever had.

Who cares what you thought of the debate? No one wants to hear about how Trump was a stalking gorilla or if Martha Raddatz is part of the lamestream media. People want to know what was crossing my mind from the moment those two walked out onto the town hall stage and didn’t shake hands. Was I surprised? Offended? Or am I a germ freak who believes that hand shaking is a deadly ritual designed to keep the human population in check. Who can tell what I was thinking?

I have people calling me all the time to get my opinion, and believe me, it makes me feel important. Journalists, pollsters, hardworking folks from all over this great country, and they ask if I’m leaning one way or the other. But I don’t tell them, because what good is it, if I reveal all my secrets? What power do I have if I just blab about my assessments? That’s the worst idea in the history of ideas.

Am I more convinced by a bully or a technocrat? Do I readily believe conspiracy theories, or can I see through them? Do gold-plated sink fixtures make me say “Wow!” or “Get a Life”? Wouldn’t you like to know?

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